Has Your Libido Crumbled?

Meet the Menopause Master Who Can Help You Restore Sexual Intimacy When the Old Ways Stop Working

Geri Brin, co-founder, M.D. For You

P.S. And ask him an anonymous question!

Illustration by: Cé Marina

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I spent my 40s having uninhibited sex with E., a man from Mississippi, 14 years my senior. Thrilling sex. Sex that made me see stars—literally. Sex in all kinds of positions. Sometimes sex three times a night. Long drawn-out sex. Speedy sex. Sober sex. Inebriated sex. No toys. No chains, whips, and blindfolds. Just me and E. Up until our first sexual union, I couldn’t have even imagined sex could be so intoxicating. 

E. died 12 years after we met, when I was 53 years old. Although my sex life didn’t die with him, sex with new men didn’t come close to being as exciting. I didn’t care. I had left corporate America two years before to launch my own business, an all-consuming endeavor.  

Then, year by year, sex has played a smaller and smaller role in my life. It’s not a big ticket in the lives of many of my Fab Over Fifty Friends, either, whether or not they’re married. 

A vibrator is an acceptable stand-in for E., even if it doesn’t have a Southern accent. Frankly, the thought of having sex with an older man who doesn’t look like Liam Neeson isn’t especially appealing. Besides, it’s doubtful Liam would fancy my current physique. 

Enough about me. Let’s talk about you. If your interest in sex is diminishing weekly, or just plain gone—and that bothers you—I know just the man who can help. His name is Dr. James Simon, a prominent reproductive endocrinologist and certified sexuality counselor in Washington, D.C. who has been called the “Menopause Whisperer” by Washingtonian Magazine. And, he received the Distinguished Service Award from the International Society for the Study of Women’s Sexual Health, which recognizes an individual’s dedication and commitment to the fields of women’s sexual medicine and health.

As a 40-something physician, Dr. Simon began caring for women around his age who were resigned to their declining libidos. Determined to step forward and help them, he opened IntimMedicine Specialists, his Washington, D.C. practice.  

Now a preeminent authority on treating sexual, menopausal, and complicated gynecological problems, Dr. Simon explains there are “biological, sociological and psychological approaches to understanding low sexual desire and bringing couples closer together, rather than allowing them to drift apart.” 

What’s more, “women who have successful intimate relationships, including sex, are less likely to have sleep problems or other medical problems, and even live longer,” he asserts.

Since 1996, Dr. Simon has helped thousands of women, men, and couples understand their waning sexual interest and take action to reverse it. “Women feel diminishing sexual desire is a fait accompli of aging, and nothing can be done about it,” he adds. “When it’s exacerbated by menopausal symptoms, sexual pain, and fear of hormones, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. If neglected, additional social and inter-relational issues predominate, making treatment far more complex.” 

The availability of pornography has had both positive and negative effects on sexual relationships, Dr, Simon believes. “It’s opened our eyes to new types of sexual encounters, which can help couples renew their sexual satisfaction. On the downside, explicit sexuality on the internet can raise unrealistic expectations,” he adds. “Patients ask me, ‘Why is sex so short?’ when they see it last an hour online,” he chuckles.

Something new going on with your body that you can’t get off your mind? Share it with Dr. Simon to get his take. He’s not going to prescribe specific treatments here, but he likely can give you practical advice on the next steps. 

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Note: Please ignore the words 'Your answer'; we wanted it to say 'Your Question', but were not able to customize this form.

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Dorothy’s (not her real name) question for Dr. Simon: 

A working woman and mother, Dorothy is in her late fifties and postmenopausal. She’s tired, moody, and suffers hot flashes, but has shunned hormone therapy, worrying she’d get cancer while her child is still young. 

Dorothy is most bothered by her complete loss of libido. “We’ve lost our connection and passion and live like roommates,” she said. While her husband is “very understanding,” Dorothy would like to “fix” her situation.  “I understand it’s not all about menopause.  My busy life, disagreements with my husband, and day-to-day problems surely play big roles in my lack of desire for intimacy,” she added. 

Dr. Simon’s response:

“Low sexual desire in menopause can come from a variety of sources, ranging from relationship discord to sexual pain, with a long list of other contributors in between. Hormone therapy, which may include testosterone, could be helpful in giving Dorothy back her libido. 

“Two non-hormonal products for low sexual desire have been approved by the FDA for perimenopausal women, but they both can be effectively used in postmenopausal women. One of them, in fact, is approved in Canada for postmenopausal women up to age 60. So, Dorothy has options.”  

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If Dorothy or any other woman with intimacy issues in menopause wishes to have a personal consultation with Dr. Simon, please contact Geri Brin at geri@mdforyou.com 

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